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May 16, 2004
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"Marriage" |
Pastor Brian Shimer
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"So, what's the purpose?"
Malachi 2: 13-16; Genesis 2: 18-25
| I. |
"Oh may all who come behind us Find us faithful."
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In the context of what is happening in our world today, Lord, find us faithful!
Will our great grandchildren look back to our times and be asking: "Why didn't they stand up for marriage? Why didn't they seek to save the unborn? Why didn't they challenge the lies that you cannot pray in school? Why didn't they speak more boldly about sexual morality?"
I can only pray that they will be able to look back and say: "Wow, were they ever faithful!" One thing I want them to know I was faithful to is marriage not only my own great union with Karen but to marriage as a God-given institution, for one man and one woman bound together in holy covenant.
Today everyone was handed the letter by David Crowe - if you have not voted, vote! Today! Do it!
And the prayer alert by the Raths which uplifts the Oregon Marriage amendment. Massachusetts is to approve gay marriage tomorrow. Let us not follow suit. Will you speak? Reach out to say something and make certain you vote in order to get candidates into office who uphold your values.
Gay marriage is an anomaly, an oxymoron. You cannot have same-sex and marriage. It is an impossibility. The book of Malachi says this in the Message Translation: "God, not you, made marriage." Since God made it, defined it and designed it, we had best stay faithful to what God intended.
So what did God intend?
| | II. |
Henny Youngman the Jewish comedian from the previous century believed
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that marriage was a source of good entertainment. Henny and Sadie Youngman were happily married for 58 years before her death when Henny was 81. She had told him, "Keep doing the wife jokes." He kept them up as kind of a memorial to her.
His caustic humor makes us laugh and hurt simultaneously. We laugh because it exaggerates and we hurt because it puts others down.
His most famous line was "Take my wife, please…"
"Just think if it weren't for marriage men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all."
"I think that one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention."
"A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did."
"My wife and I have the secret of making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice romantic restaurant, a little wine, good food, fine music… She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
WE laugh we hurt. Henny pictured a relationship without oneness and without honoring of one another and without cherishing. The only reality was this distorted image of a wife: complaining, nagging, wasteful, woman, of whom a man couldn't way to be rid.
This is not the covenant God intended.
That covenant is heard in the testimony of Ron Luce given to all the kids working at the Honor Academy in Texas. He wrote them 'I wanted to let you know that next week on May 19th Karie and I will be celebrating our 20th anniversary being married! Wow… I thought only old people could be married that long..we are the first young people to accomplish this feat! I will be taking her away for a week, leaving tomorrow, to bless her and celebrate together." He sounds giddy with joy. That's the covenant God intended. Stay faithful to it!
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God's purpose in marriage is to make the participants one.
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And that, my friends, is no small task either!
God intends that they be one in spiritual vision and purpose, in the sharing of their lives, as they cleave to one another, and physically as they share in sexual intimacy.
Our translator from Peru, Patrizia, was led by God last July to quit working with the missions organization she had been serving for some time and commit to work with a small church near her home as director of women's ministries. There she caught the youth pastor's eye and wrote us in February: "I'm engaged to marry this Javier Ibañez." Now, I expected she would describe him to us, meaning his looks. But not Patrizia, she was not noticing his looks first she noticed his spirit, his vision for life. Listen to what she wrote: "He is a godly man that has the gifts of evangelist, teacher and pastor (in that order). So, we also complement each other in ministry sharing the same vision to disciple and to mobilize God's people to fulfill the Great Commission all over the world. I quote a friend's words 'your lives together have to bring more glory to God than you alone.'" Remarkable. Since then I have seen a picture of this fine looking dynamic young pastor. They will marry this June.
To share a life vision is such an important beginning. In our world it sounds strange to think of seeking spiritual compatibility first. We are so visually focused. We look for sex-appeal. But marriage is about sharing a life vision with another, and moving ahead from there.
As a couple cleaves to one another in marriage, God moves to make them one in sharing their lives. To cleave or cling to another means they are the only one for you.
I think of Johnny Lingo on a Pacific Island who decided he wanted to marry sarita. Now on Johnny's island when you decided you wanted to marry someone you went to the girls father and bought the daughter for a certain number of cows. For 3-4 cows you could find a respectable wife. For 5-cows you could find someone quite stupendous. Well, Johnny paid 8 cows for Sarita. Now you need to understand that Sarita was plain looking, with sagging shoulders and walked with her head down. The islanders were shocked: "8 cows! Outrageous. Johnny was cheated!"
A business man heard the story of Plain Sarita and paid Johnny a visit to transact some business. While there Sarita entered the room to place a vase of flowers on the table. The visitor could not take his eyes from her and he was convinced that the flowers were nothing compared to the beauty, vitality and joy that radiated from Sarita. After she left Johnny said, "Have you ever thought how the women of our island feel to be purchased for a few cows? What of those who boast of being purchased for 5 cows or 6 compared to the one who was a bargain deal for just 1 or 2 cows? I wanted Sarita to know that to me she was the most beautiful woman on the island and I wanted her to know that I wanted her and her alone."
A man who loves his wife well will have a beautiful wife. She will radiate with joy because of the love poured out into her life emotionally.
Emotional oneness is often wrought through difficulty.
I remember Karen and I sat in our Toyota Van outside of the counselor's office over a decade ago after an appointment toward the beginning of January. We both were looking at our marriage and to us it looked lifeless. Our counselor had confronted us with some cold facts about our relationship.
We were finding identity through each other and had lost hold of who we were as individuals. I was leaning into Karen and she was leaning into me. We were rescuing each other, but not standing upright and trusting Christ.
We knew Joanie was right, but we didn't like it. We knew that the month ahead would help us know if the marriage could be breathed into life. Thus began one of the toughest months of our married lives thus far, a month we have since affectionately termed the "month from hell". But actually it was not from hell, although very hard, more correctly it was the "month from heaven" for God was working on us, and at month end we found that our marriage was breathing. God had forged a greater oneness emotionally THROUGH this struggle to stop bending into one another.
Finally, in the marriage covenant God blesses the couple with sexual intercourse.
This is not some worldly thing. It is not the DUTY of the wife to the man. IT is not given just for the creation of children, but is the sole, secret, brilliant gift of intimacy God has given to allow the couple to be one physically in a glorious picture of the oneness given to them spiritually.
Today this special gift is pulled away from the covenant, made the subject of every talk show and the goal of every dating relationship. Foolish people we are by pursuing what God said: "Save it for covenant" we are reaping the consequences of our actions. Today 42,000 people a day are coming down with an STD in our nation because of sexual promiscuity! Why not rather wait and experience the cherishing reality of the only safe sex, that found in the marriage bed. Stay faithful to the covenant.
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Stay faithful for first God makes us one and then makes us holy.
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Malachi is one book where this purpose of marriage is shown.
The prophet Malachi, who speaks the last word in the Old Testament, was writing at a time when people had separated God from such personal affairs as marriage.
In chapter 2 of Malachi we read how the people had broken faith with God by breaking faith with one another. They had trivialized marriage. Malachi asks them of marriage: "Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh AND SPIRIT they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring" (2:15).
The phrase "Godly offspring" first means children. The only safe environment for whole and healthy children to be raised is a home with the father and mother intact. Although "the whole village raises the child" is a popular phrase it is a lie. Look at the streets of Brazil to see how well the whole village does. But this phrase means more than children - which is where holiness really enters. It means that God is seeking "an offspring of God" in the oneness of the couple. In other words, that they would be holy.
God uses the union of marriage to change the man and woman's lives. He is making them holy. No wonder God commands twice in chapter two : "Guard yourself in your spirit and do not break covenant with your wife." Marriage is about holy people who stay faithful to the covenant.
How do we guard our spirits? Guard your eyes. Don't stare at another woman and undress her! Share intimately only with your wife. Guard your heart.
It is little wonder God speaks so sharply against divorce -- He has made the marriage couple one. He has made them holy. He has blessed them with godly offspring. So, he says, "I hate divorce." God hates the attitude of the men addressed in this book. Their faithless, freewheeling, easy attitude obliterated covenant. God hates "the violent dismembering of the one-flesh of marriage" (the message translation).
Therefore we must stay faithful.
First as couples.
Second as people who support marriage and encourage couples and pray for them.
Stay faithful to the covenant.
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